Praying for her killer by Name

Some days are really hard..I miss Shannon so much.

But I started to pray for her killer by name at night.

before I would just say 'him'.

My husband Ben thought it would be a good step for me..

the first time I said it I wanted to break down..

I felt a gulp in my throat. a knot in my stomach.

but gradually it's gotten easier....and the idea of ACTUALLY forgiving is more real.

It's easier to just go through the motions if you don't say his name.

(I will continue to say 'him' on my public blog though)

I know shannon is praying for his conversion..so how can I not?

A priest the other day told me that by praying for him

and his conversion I am showing that I want him in heaven.

I know that is what God desires..all of us in heaven with Him one day.

How can I disagree with God??

I still struggle with the thought of him leading his life even if it IS in jail..it's a life none the less.

But I have to remind myself that Shannon is living eternal life...

way better than anything we have experienced here.

And even though I cry for the memories we won't be able to make together..

I'm going to remember her and be inspired by her faith during the hard moments she experienced. And hopefully her life and death will make me realize and never forget that life is short..and life can be hard...but life is just our path to something far greater. and that if we view it this way..every little difficulty we have is leading us towards HIM.

I guess in preparing for Easter... I've been reflecting on how at the foot of the cross

Mary held her son.. and even in her pain she forgave those who tortured and crucified her son.

So I look to her as an example of how to love. how to forgive.

Even though I'm solid in my faith..

I'm always a little nervous about putting this out here on my blog..

but...at the same time..this is my blog and I try to keep it as real and personable as possible!

And hopefully those who choose to follow me appreciate raw and candid emotional posts like this and not just giveaways and diy projects...although I do love a good diy project. ;)

Her family recently postd this note on Shannon's memorial Facebook Page...

A note that Shannon kept close to her was found today.   It reads:

"Lord Jesus, I trust in you.  Despite the real struggles and obstacles in my path now, I know that you are leading me towards you.  You are the only one who can fill the depths of my heart.  Somehow, mysteriously, each of these trials is part of making that a reality."

Not sure if you are experiencing any type of grief..or needing to forgive someone..

but I feel that I want my heart to heal. I don't want to be broken. I need to be a whole person for my husband..my girls.. and forgiving is part of helping me heal.

Someone you love being killed in such a violent way will always bring up emotions in me..I will always feel sadness when I think of losing her..how we lost her..But I just don't want to feel anger anymore..I won't want to have hate in my heart.

And I think Some days will be harder than others..but I'm going to try.

In confession the other day (I don't mind sharing this..)

The priest brought up the amazing forgiveness of the mother of St. Maria Goretti.

When Maria Goretti was 11 years old she was stabbed 14 times by a 20 yr old man

who had made advances on her but she refused them all.

As she was dieing..Someone asked if she forgave her murderer, she replied,

"Yes, for the love of Jesus I forgive him...and I want him to be with me in Paradise."

Her forgiveness is incredible..but her mother carried it on...

Her murderer had a conversion and when he got out of jail the first thing he did

was to beg Maria's mother for forgiveness....she invited him to Christmas dinner....!!!

She is the patron saint of Abused Children and Rape Victims.

If you want to read her whole story visit here. I googled it and found this page..

I wanted to share how my journey is going..

Thanks for listening.

Please continue to pray for me and all those affected by Domestic Violence.

It broke my heart these past couple weeks..So many stories on my local news mentioned some sort of domestic violence. The boy who went into his high school and starting shooting fellow students was from a home of domestic violence.. And now all of those families (3 lost a child..others injured..) I don't know the entire story..I chose to not read any further because I wasn't in a position to get emotional and let myself go there..I had my girls at my feet..

But I said a prayer that day for them..Because I know how hard it is to lost someone you love...and shannon wasn't even my own child!

I am just so saddened to see that Domestic Violence has this incredible ripple effect.....so many lives hurt from it. So please..if you see anything...hear anything..don't be afraid to step in. I will post about this till the day I stop blogging...please..speak up.

To read all posts related to Shannon you can click here.

Please share her story..donate if you can.

If you have been touched by her story and would like to 

visit her Memorial Page you can visit here. 

Please Pray for peace in our world 

and for all those affected by Domestic Violence.