Grief- Asking Why

I haven't written about Shannon in a while.. I'm actually in bed right now.. Everyone else is snoozing away.. Baby Micah included. I should be taking advantage of this and sleeping too, but Shannon is on my mind. I haven't written much about her lately on my blog. A part of me avoids it.. Because writing down your thoughts makes you THINK about it even more.. And plenty of days I don't want to. I'm still struggling with thinking only about the way I lost her.. Rather than the time I had with her. I feel like the horrific details of her murder overshadow my thoughts of her.. I desperately wish that would pass. The shooting in CT stirred up emotions in me that I think many of us felt. It took me a while to want to talk about it....to tell my husband how I felt. How it reminded me of Shannon.. The horrible act of violence that shook my world... Was shaking the worlds of these poor families... Even more so with it their own child! I can't imagine. I couldn't help but ask the same question in my head about this tragedy that I did with shanon...... Why?...... Why a school?? Why little kids?? Why at all??..... I ask myself those questions with Shannon too. Why did he do it?? Why did he shoot her again when she was on the ground?? Why did he throw her in the back of his truck?? why did he drive to his house and not the hospital?? Or call 911?? I ask these questions in my head often even though I know that no explanation will do anything. It won't console me or bring her back. It won't help make sense of it. No explanation can. But I suppose this is just part of grieving.... I'm praying for peace for not only me and shannons family and friends now .. But those families in CT. And for anyone affected by acts of violence. I wish there wasn't such evil in the world. I am thankful to have beautiful examples of joy and love and purity of heart in my little ones.. They lift me up and remind me of the good in our world.

6 comments:

  1. My best friend was also a victim of domestic violence by her ex-husband 9 years ago. I still think about her and grieve to this day. I totally feel for you. Writing down your feelings is hard but definitely helps. Thank you for sharing this.

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  2. This brought me to tears, but i am so glad you posted this and that you are a strong supporter of Domestic Violence Awareness. I pray that you find peace.

    -Rekita

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  3. There are no words at all that any of is can say to make it all better, all i can say is, big hugs and you'll be in my thoughts x

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  4. I'm so sorry for your loss! I am glad that her life is so beautifully remembered by such a great friend! Kudos to you for raising awareness! Congratulations on your precious son!

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  5. I just read Shannon's story. I completely understand and feel your pain. My aunt was murdered by her husband 10 years ago. A lot of questions, a lot of regret... All we can do is pray and know they are in a better place.

    XO Lori
    www.vintagebylori.com

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