Getting out of my Head.

It seemed fitting that our first outing…
as a family on our own with the hospital days behind us…
would be to target.
I think I even changed out of yoga pants and put jeans on….
it was a big day. ;)
I love our family selfie we took in the cheese stick aisle. haha.

A lot of days I still feel like I am just out of the hospital in my head.
Like I put makeup on and get dressed but still feel like I’m in a hospital gown.
I’m sure that makes no sense..but it must be how a part of me is working on realizing I’m OK.
I have this fear that I won’t get my full personality back…
that this weakness I feel while I’m recovering is going to keep me slow and timid and…sad.
I was legitimately mad at my instagram feed earlier this week.
because it just felt sad. Seeing all the photos from the hospital…
I just wanted to make it happy. and we have been busy making lost of fun
happy memories to push back the sad ones from this past month!

The other morning I came downstairs and sophia goes 
“MOM!!! you’re so…so… FUlll…..” and then she didn’t say anything else, her hands
were just up in the air and she couldn’t think of the words to say.
but I could tell she was trying to explain how I looked…
more ALIVE.

Another day she saw me and exclaimed,
“mom!! you’re more normal today!!… do we still need to be gentle?” haha…
I’m getting stronger every day and my kids are
noticing these differences in me even when I’m not able to myself.
I’m trying to get out of head and be patient with myself as I get back to normal!
I might not be able to pick up my kids or do much of anything at all,
BUT I have been able to save up some energy and make a meal some nights.
It’s something I can do (unless heavy lifting is required then I ask for help)
and I’m DESPERATELY wanting to be able to contribute something around here!

The other night I made up a batch of my favorite pizza dough
The kids loved putting their toppings on their own mini pizzas.
They turned out delicious and pretty as always!
It made me feel so happy to feed
them something homemade and yummy.
I was sore as heck by the end… but it was worth it!

Baby Giggles make everything better.
Love my Ben and his mini-me, Micah.

The Busy Budgeting Mama

9 Comments on Getting out of my Head.

  1. Laura
    March 25, 2014 at 8:57 pm (1 year ago)

    Just wanted to say that I know very much how you feel. I live with chronic pain and I often get so frustrated with what I can’t do instead of rejoicing in what I can do. I am thankful for those around me who tell me they see I am doing better when I don’t feel better. You are in my prayers!

  2. Courtney
    March 25, 2014 at 10:00 pm (1 year ago)

    I’m seeing lots of happiness in these pics :) I wish your family more laughter than you can handle!

  3. Val @ Chicken Scratch.
    March 26, 2014 at 8:12 am (1 year ago)

    AWWW hang in there. I bet you all in such a crazy spot with having moved and not settled yet and then this whole recovery. Just glad to hear you are healthy! Prayers for you all!!

  4. Tiffany
    March 26, 2014 at 10:17 am (1 year ago)

    I know that this whole thing has to have been so very hard. But I am so glad that you are home with your family and recovering. Things will slowly get back to normal. But you there with them and that means everything to you and to them. :-)

  5. Kadee Cramer
    March 26, 2014 at 1:38 pm (1 year ago)

    I’m so glad you are getting better!

  6. Theresa
    March 26, 2014 at 3:27 pm (1 year ago)

    You are looking great!! I’m so glad you are able to be with family during this time. Thank you for sharing your hard journey, I am still praying for you

  7. Denise Ross
    April 2, 2014 at 7:15 am (1 year ago)

    So happy you’re on the mend now. Our mending time is never fast enough for our liking, I’m the same, will keep praying for you and your family. This is a fresh start, and try to enjoy the rest, the crazy days of regular life won’t be far away now hugs

  8. Abby at Just a Girl and Her Blog
    April 2, 2014 at 11:19 pm (1 year ago)

    I miss you, friend! I hope you are getting stronger and stronger by the day and all of the pain and recovery stuff is just a distant memory soon! The kids are looking so big– Micah especially; he’s looking like a little boy rather than a baby! Hope you all are doing well! Hugs!!

    ~Abby =)

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